Reading notes

David at Orcinus published this extended essay back in November — I must have gotten interrupted then and forgot to return, because now that I’ve read the whole thing I am awestruck at how skillfully David captures what’s been going on inside of me since 2000.

Ultimately, all politics is personal, and human nature being what it is, there was a measure of mistrust of all conservatives that came with this assessment [of the GOP as corrupt]. What I observed over time was that none of my conservative friends would seriously defend Bush v. Gore but would switch subjects or revert to a “get over it” kind of response. None would acknowledge that there were perfectly good, perhaps even patriotic, reasons not to get over it. None would acknowledge that, were the shoe on the other foot, they too would be seriously outraged — and I mean long-term outrage.

And so the feeling grew on my part that they neither were being honest nor being, at base, civil in its core sense. Maybe I was wrong to feel this way, I don’t know; but I felt it. I tried not to let it show, but it was there. And it was a wedge in our friendships. …

I no longer much trust in the moral strength of my conservative friends. Whereas once I believed that the basic decency of average, mainstream conservatives was more than an adequate bulwark against the possibility of right-wing fascism from ever manifesting itself, I have been forced to conclude that, when swept along by the combination of a movement and the fearmongering of public officials, they are as susceptible to doing the wrong thing as their ancestors were in 1942, when they shipped off 110,000 Japanese Americans to concentration camps.

Beyond doubting the moral strength of my conservative friends, I had come to doubt the efficacy of the Holy Spirit in people’s lives. I had always assumed the Spirit’s presence in a person was a bulwark against the possibility of severe deception. Yet here in front of me were Christian Right friends blinded by malign political powers to the point of praising these powers as “godly.” Were they aware of their plight, many of these friends would be quick to repent. But most still haven’t, to my knowledge. Meanwhile, this unreconciled abyss between Christian Right faith and praxis — and the Spirit’s seeming inaction in making the breach known to these ones whom he’s sealed — kept undermining my soul.

I hauled myself to church Sunday for the second time in 8 months, whereupon the pastor spoke directly and forcibly to my condition, saying, “Being ‘sealed by the Spirit’ is not the same as ‘moving in the power of the Spirit.’ Many are sealed at baptism, but few are yet moving in the Spirit’s power and discernment.” (I’m paraphrasing.)

With these words, my soul’s cave-in stopped. I assess the experience as divine intervention.

And David, this blunt and powerful essay helps me, too. Thank you, thank you.