Empire undone
The Bush Administration’s house of cards, built lie upon lie upon lie, is finally starting to fall. I thought I’d be happy when this finally came to pass, but now that it’s begun, I just feel grief at how far we’ve missed the mark as a people.
Why do different ones of us come to see things at different rates?
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I foresaw the buildup to this present situation months ago, years ago. Why me? I don’t know.
It’s December 2000: I close my eyes and see this unfolding of events — it looks like a hurricane seen from a weather satellite. And not a satellite loop on a video screen, either, but a live, continent-spanning hurricane I’m seeing as I literally cling to the in-orbit satellite with cold numb hands, looking down at the earth, trying not to fall. I can’t see the storm’s details or the full extent of its destruction, but its trajectory across the face of the earth is clear.
I’ve been compelled since then to “bear witness to the truth,” as Jesus said the stones would do if the disciples didn’t.
Sometimes the truth borne witness to is positive, as was the disciples’ — “Blessed is the king who comes in the name of the Lord!”
Mine has been a “fire in the bones” variety I can’t get rid of, a warning more along the lines of Isaiah 30:
“Woe to the obstinate children,” declares the Lord,
“to those who carry out plans that are not mine,
forming an alliance, but not by my Spirit,
heaping sin upon sin;who go down to Egypt without consulting me;
who look for help to Pharaoh’s protection [Might],
to Egypt’s shade for refuge.But Pharaoh’s protection will be to your shame,
Egypt’s shade will bring you disgrace. …Because you have rejected this message,
relied on oppression and depended on deceit,
this sin will become for you
like a high wall, cracked and bulging,
that collapses suddenly, in an instant. …“In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength,
but you would have none of it.”—Isaiah 30, Woe to the Obstinate Nation
Now, though, I’m stuck in a quagmire of my own, profoundly disillusioned that so many of us, even very bright ones of us, were so easily duped and so defiant about staying that way.
What disillusioned me most was seeing some of my Christian brothers and sisters who not only didn’t denounce this god-awful national leadership debacle early on but instead actively embraced it.
Now I’m disconnected from participation in my church community for a reason I can’t get past: if persons there are sufficiently undiscerning as to praise the Bush team’s godliness, how can I trust their discernment in other areas? I can’t bring myself to worship in an environment where I cannot trust.
It’s like I finally ran outside the grace that kept me connected.
I recognize this is my problem, but it’s no less a problem to me.
Where I am reminds me of what I wrote to a friend back in March,
If you try to support war in Iraq and confess faith in Jesus, your integrity is breached, because, God knows, the two are mutually exclusive. If you try to do both, you become a stumbling block to Christians and non-Christians alike.
Defending the faith while promoting aggressive war is playing “soul jeopardy” in the gravest way, for who can say how many turn away from the Lord in grief or revulsion as a result?
I just didn’t foresee being so tripped up by the stumbling blocks myself.
[I’m recording this here in hopes I can look back from a near-future vantage point, whole and reconnected, and rejoice at how far we’ve come. Meanwhile, maybe I’m providing a point of identification for anyone else in the same boat.]
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Religion should bring people together, not drive them apart. Even differences in belief can be a reason to bring people together — people who are seeking to understand the concerns, fears, hopes and dreams of others.
But it seems to me that, increasingly, people allow their fears to trump what ought to be at the core of their beliefs. That is, their relationship with the world around them.
People are rationalizing how their desires fit in with their beliefs rather than evaluating their desires against their beliefs.
We, all of us good people, hopefully share a common goal of eudaemonism. More happiness, stability, safety and prosperity for the greatest number of people. Let’s hope that soon people realize that a cynical leadership that uses fear as a lever cannot get us where we want to go, and may yet even get us somewhere that we cannot escape.
— JP Thursday July 17, 2003 #Great post. Deep thoughts behind it. I sympathize.
For a while, I feared that my own anti-war stance would cause problems even in my church, which is about the most progressive Christian congregation around here. If my beliefs had become a problem for the rest of the churchgoers, I would have had to make the painful decision to leave my (newish) church home.
—Kynn
— Kynn Bartlett Tuesday July 22, 2003 #Remember:
Worship is not about how wise or clever or insightful the other person is. It is not, in fact, necessarily about how wise or clever or insightful you are.
It is wholly and entirely about how wise and clever and insightful and powerful God is.
Those around you are going to make mistakes, and some of them are going to be doozies. So are you. So am I. This is why God doesn’t make our relationship with Him depend upon those around us (you may, perhaps, disagree, and many do, but I’m the one writing this, after all) — because frankly, you can’t trust them to be right all the time.
And yeah, it’s sad, and it can be disillusioning. I encourage you, though, to make sure you know what it is you’re disillusioned about. The fallibility of man? It gets us all once in a while, and sometimes in horrid and painful ways. Peter had to be rebuked by Paul for acting in a way that honestly, I would have found two-faced and repugnant. Peter, for crying out loud!
Let me finish by saying: If you believe those around you are actively defying the gospel, then you are to have no part of them (check the last bit in 2 John, for one.) If you think that they are simply making a dumb mistake, then, I have to tell you, that does happen.
Be strong. I’ve been clear about my anti-war beliefs in a congregation of political conservatives and lived to tell the tale (while most of them are pro-Bush, to my frequent confusion, it turns out they aren’t all entirely sanguine about war, which is good.) I recognize and accept their fallibility just as I know I’m just as susceptible. God forgives. Me, too.
Thanks to Kynn for pointing this post out to me.
-R
— R. Francis Smith Tuesday July 22, 2003 #Thanks, JP, Ken, and Russ, for the encouragement.
Russ says, “I recognize and accept their fallibility just as I know I’m just as susceptible. God forgives. Me, too.”
Yes. That’s where I aim to be. I look forward to being able to say that for myself soon.
— Mike Wednesday July 23, 2003 #